


A Burial at Home

by heda_raiven



Category: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo
Genre: Crooked Kingdom Spoilers, F/M, Post-Crooked Kingdom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-21
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-07 15:44:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13438005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heda_raiven/pseuds/heda_raiven
Summary: Nina has set out to do the one thing she knew Matthias wanted most. Here's the resulting drabble.





	A Burial at Home

Matthias Helvar wanted to be buried back home, that’s as much as she knew. Now, Nina Zenik stands on the border of Fjerda, his home, staring at the bland landscape. The first chill that she felt in her travels brought back memories of when they were both stranded here. It was enough to bring her to tears and halt her travel for the night. She lay on her own, curled up in furs rather than him.

Nina trudged forward, pulling the heavy sled behind her. Inej is scouting ahead for a small, abandoned hut. One that Nina described to her. Nina keeps her eyes forward, waiting for the small silhouette of the girl racing back to her. She wants to look back, to see a tall and muscular, blonde haired man following her footsteps. But she wouldn’t fool herself. He wouldn’t be there.

Her foot slipped in the thick snow and she fell to her knees. A quiet sob escapes her lips, one that had been waiting patiently in her throat for over a week now. She didn’t get up. Nina just allows the wet snow seep into her thick pants, despite Inej warning her to be as careful as possible in the cold. But Inej wasn’t here. Inej wasn’t feeling the same pain that Nina felt. 

No one was here. Not even _him_. 

Nina’s head snaps up when she hears movement in the snow. It was impossible for anyone or thing to be quiet. She hesitantly looks to the sled. A large, white wolf is stood over Matthias’ body, hidden by a white sheet. Nina scrambles to her feet, crying out as she hurls herself over his body—as if she could protect him. The wolf jolts backwards, releasing a short bark as it does. 

“Go,” Nina says. She can’t recognise her own voice. It sounds husky, as if the cold has ripped it from her very throat. “Go!” She yells now, desperate. 

Though Matthias’ body is hard underneath her, she can’t push herself off until the wolf has left her vision. It wasn’t the first she’s seen. It won’t be the last. 

Nina pushes herself back onto the feet in time to hear Inej call out to her. For one, Inej was the one who spoke most between them. It was hard for Nina to form any sentence without falling into a pit of despair. When Inej comes close enough, she says, “Another wolf?” Nina nods. “Just the one?” She nods again, hands fumbling for the ropes to the sled. “Here, let me. You haven’t had a break since we slept.”

“He wanted me to take him,” Nina says underneath her breath. She had refused Inej the entire trip. No one touched Matthias. Under Nina’s dead body. Inej doesn’t argue, she simply starts walking ahead again, but at a slower pace. 

“We aren’t too far. Maybe we can reach there by nightfall.”

Nina looks to the sky. She can’t tell the difference between day and night here, it all seems so dark anyway. She swallows her silent tears and begins walking forward again. She’ll keep walking even if it takes days, weeks, months, even years. She just wants to take him home, where he belongs. 

* * *

It’s nightfall when they arrive, just as Inej said they would. Inej runs the perimeter as silently as she can. She hurries in and out of the hut—it’s still abandoned, as it once was when Nina slept in it long ago. Inej pulls all their luggage inside. There are only two backpacks of food and extra furs. Nina begins looking for the right spot. 

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” Inej says softly, as she stands beside a spot that Nina seems to have chosen. Nina nods, pulling the shovel off of the sled and pushing it into the thick, hard snow. There is only one shovel, and so Inej begins to get a fire going inside the hut, leaving Nina out in the open as whatever light there was now begins to fade. 

Nina doesn’t feel the end of her strength. She’s felt tired for days now, but she pushes past any aches and pains as she claws at the snow. Even in the cool air, she finds herself sweating as she works. At one point, she can’t tell the difference between the sweat and tears that touch her lips. 

The pile of snow seems to grow bigger, but the hole in the ground is still small. He is—was—big with muscle. She’d have to keep going if he was ever going to rest. So she continues, digging a hole she never thought she would have to. As she continues, memories flash through her mind. Seeing this place was hard enough. The firelight she sees through the window is harder.

She pictures a confused and embarrassed _druskelle_ , and a torn up young girl laughing as if it was nothing to be embarrassed about. She supposed two strangers, somewhat enemies at that, holding one another over night wasn’t a first choice for most. But she survived the night because of it. And so did he. He survived because she was with him. Nina looks away from the window in disgust. Of herself? She wasn’t quite sure what is was for. 

The hole was big enough now for him. But it wasn't big enough for her heart. Then again, she supposed he had it. He always had it, even when he wanted to kill her in his dreams at Hellgate. Even then, he always had her heart. It would fit. _He_ would fit. He could go home.

Nina swallows. She didn’t want to touch him for the last time. She didn’t want that thought that there would ever be a last time with him. A last time means never again. A last time means there would be no new memories. A last time means old memories will die. She wonders what memories he cherished. She wonders what he kept close to his heart, till the last moment. She wonders, but she knows she will never find out those answers. Nina swallows again.

She pulls the sled as close as she can beside the hole she’s dug for him. She won’t call it by its true name. She won’t make this experience as real as it truly is. She slips his body into it. He lies perfectly. She wishes she had some flowers, some cloth, something that was from her and of her. Something he could keep with him as he sleeps. But she’s already given him everything she could have. 

Nina nods, says her goodbyes in the silence of her head, and pushes the snow over him. She heads inside and falls asleep without a word to Inej. At some point in the night, she swears Inej heads out to say her own peace.

* * *

Daylight comes, Inej is still asleep. Nina clenches her eyes shut. _Fall back asleep_ , she urges her mind. It ignores her strong will, because she’s used all her strength that she was required to use. She lies still for a few moments, listening to the sounds that make their way inside the safety of the hut. 

There might be a bird, maybe two, but its hard to tell. The trees were barren, so it didn’t make sense for songbirds to be lingering about in this part of the world. She listens harder. There’s the sound of the wind pushing against the walls. It whistles a tuneless song occasionally. An unhappy song. She would hum along if it were consistent. She hears herself standing up, wrapping furs around her shoulders as she makes her way outside. 

She hears her shoes crunch into the morning snow. The wet seeps into her feet. They grow numb rapidly. The place were Matthias lies is not empty of mourners. There is someone sitting atop it. Someone she’s only heard of, but never seen. She’s seen it’s sisters and brother in previous days… but…

Nina hesitantly moves closer, the sound carries. The animal looks up at her and whines. It’s a small sound. High pitched. Nina walks towards it, falling to the ground besides it. She doesn’t need to reach out, nor does she need to say a word. The wolf just _knows_. 

Nina places her bare hand on the snow. The cold doesn’t bother her. She opens her mouth, about to tell him something but her voice falters. The wolf pushes its own paw out. Nina finds her voice, “I have been made to protect you. Only in death will I be kept from this oath.” 

The wolf whines again, placing its head down on the snow. Nina starts to sob. She hasn’t since she first held Matthias’ lifeless body. She didn’t even when she buried him last night. She lets herself cry as hard as she can now. 

“I have been made to share your story,” she cries to the earth. “I have been made to make the _druskelle_ see differently. I have been made to protect your name, Matthias Helvar. Not even in death will I be kept from this oath.”


End file.
